The Dark Night of the Soul , Psychospiritual crisis, Spiritual Emergency,
Kundalini Awakening, The Shamanic illness, Shamanic initiation, Shamanic Call
"There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
People will do anything, no matter how absurd,
in order to avoid facing their own soul.
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light,
but by making the darkness conscious."
Carl Gustav Jung
There are many names for the many ways of this phenomenon.
Perhaps, it could be likened to a deep lament of the soul that with an almost
Kafkaesque manner wakes you up one morning and your life is never the same again.
The world you enter is that of a surreal, bizarre no man's land,
in which you are stripped of all consolations, solace, and comfort.
Feeling no pulse in your veins, no joy, no emotions through this
totally abrupt and unexplained life eruption, your soul begins
withering away into a deafening silence of emptiness. . .
Nothing but void as far as the eye can see and the void appears impossible to fill.
We end up like Gregor Samsa a protagonist from Kafka’s Metamorphosis;
a once ordinary traveling salesman transformed into a gigantic insect,
disconnected from everything, watching the world, we once were a part of, go by.
This process of metamorphosis is very real and one that mystics, seekers and
people without any spiritual background have been undergoing for centuries,
to shed away every aspect of their being in order to be awakened and reborn,
rising from their own ashes like a Phoenix.
Our consciousness and states of awakening bears a resemblance to waking up from a deep sleep.
We have been thought by New Age Spirituality to love the light,
raise and hold our energy vibrations in the love and light by being simply
positive, visualizing the beautiful, never get angry, avoid all that is negative,
but those who taught us often fail to educate about the importance
of going to the dark side. As if avoiding the dark is something sinful and
not part of our existence. Our shadow self holds a key to our own ascension
and thus everything in the world that is negative is a projection of what we
are suppressing inside of us, that eventually comes to the surface.
Light nourishes us but it is the shadow that challenges us, teaches us,
evolves us, brings us face to face with ourselves and the world around us.
By facing it, rather then ignoring it, we strengthen the light within and around us.
The trigger for The Dark Night of the Soul is unknown and so something
as simple as one event, or myriad of little ones can rouse it from its sleep.
It can be events such as the loss of a job, house, finances, bankruptcy,
or the death of a loved one, when we feel we are abandoned by either
God or our own ability to manage our life or solve our burning issues.
It can come in a form of disease or an illness that presents itself
as a catalyst for the change that our body is has to withstand.
It comes when it wants and leaves when it’s done.
We cannot cheat it or surpass it. We don't get to say no to the Dark Night.
It can hit us like lightning out of the blue both when everything is going fine,
or even great and when things crumble down like the Tower of Babel.
All your patterns of behavior, belief systems, ideologies, your plans,
dreams, hopes, certainties, your sense of direction and your immediate surroundings
with all that is in it, fall into pieces, shattering across the floor like a hindrance,
so the only way to get out is to walk through the shards of your old self,
bleeding in pain and agony every step of the way in the hope to getting
to the other side. You are stripped of all that was safe, relatable and trustable....
It stands to reason, that we will fight in opposition, grasping at the last straw,
hoping to save ourselves from the sinking Titanic, that is our life
oblivious to the fact, that we don't stand a chance. There is no escape.
Yet, we fight hard with whatever was left to us, whatever is left in us
through what can only be described as a one-way ticket to hell for eternity.
We argue, kick and scream, we doubt and question everything,
for faith has failed us and what ails us seems incurable.
We plead with God to help us, each step, not even sure of his existence.
If we were atheists to begin with, questioning the very possibility
of something higher, then our immediate self, rises so strongly within us,
we simply can no longer ignore it.
We fight it until we collapse on the floor, fragmented, exhausted,
surrendering to the process with one question in mind
"What is the point of living?"
Nothing makes sense anymore life no longer has a meaning, no purpose...
Everyday tasks becomes mundane and robotic and we simply fulfill them
for the sake of fulfilling them. There is no other motive behind it.
We are in such despair we often stand on the edge of Heaven,
contemplating either death, or insanity.
Often times people self-medicate or end up in mental hospitals
believing there is something terribly wrong with them, or hoping to run away.
Some lie helplessly on their bed with no reason to get up and the simple
task of even lifting one hand can take hours to complete.
Our friends, family, loved ones have no idea what is happening with us
and thus creating a state of isolation, ripping our connections apart.
Our struggles to adapt to this horrific new identity against the backdrop
of our surroundings repulsion, we feel no hope and no light, convinced this is it
and the rest of our life will be spent, like Gregor Samsa,
in the state of our physical manifestation of our abasement.
Unlike Gregor though we are forgetting that the chrysalis will one day
come out of its shelve transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
Meantime, we are Imprisoned by our the memories of our old human life
and the aspects of ourselves we so desperately tried to escape from.
We begin to see everything from different angles –
everything we did, everything we were, everything that has been around us;
people, loved ones and our relationship to them and with them.
How people were to us, reacted to us and how they really perceived us and
we them, without the blindfold being put over our eyes, without denial.
It is an excruciating process and even though we might deny it to the outside world
and still try to deny it to ourselves, our consciousness
and guilt won't leave us until we look it straight in the eyes and acknowledge it.
Episodes of despair, intense fear, crying, depression, anxiety,
panic, out of body experience and wanting to die are intertwined
with vivid nightmares, from which there is no waking up.
One doesn’t know if it’s day or night, real or surreal for everything feels like
the sensation that the world around you is not real and everything is a dream,
like we are watching it from afar, like it is just a movie on a screen.
I call it the not good king of being high; the one that makes fear rush through
your veins, freezing it at the same time, making it unbearable to live through.
We can also begin to have encounters with people who passed away, angels
and other beings of light, as our extrasensory abilities open up loud and clear.
No ego likes to be brought to the ground, but pride comes before a fall.
Then there amidst the death of our own self.....light!
This process can take weeks, months and in some cases even years.
It's very unique and individual one person to another. It is not tangible.
It simply passes when it's done - until we are awakened, in other words, metamorphosed.
This is a very difficult, yet miraculous transformation bequeathing its gift
to us in a form of a powerful healing of our deepest wounds and traumas.
Our body undergoes many changes, not just psychologically,
but physiologically as well, including changes in one’s DNA.
Often times the Dark Night of the Soul activates full blown Kundalini –
a coiled serpent woken up from its sleep rising it’s powerful energies through
our body to clear any blockages that stands in the way to free up energy.
This opens many spiritual gifts and many people will either begin
or deepen their spiritual path through the Dark Night of the Soul.
It is also known as the Shamanic calling or the Shamanic initiation.
Many Shamans undergo the Psychospiritual crisis which is a calling for
them to begin their path of a Shaman.
The ubiquitous presence of God / Universe / All that is will conscientiously
work until one is ready to surrender before the nightfall of their soul
and enter the one that is before them – their higher calling and awakening.
When we are reborn, our lives are enriched and more abundant as a result.
Something very important is revealed to us through the
Dark Night of The Soul, about our identity, about our path,
about our world. It does not destroy the light within, but it defines it.
It is not all love and light.
Yes, when we want something the Universe does conspire in helping us
to achieve it, but in return we have to overcome the challenges of facing
the hard reality of oftentimes distressing truths about ourselves, the world and existence.
We have to take responsibility for our own lives, taking the appropriate actions
and use critical thinking and discernment to keep yourself grounded in reality.
Seek your own truth, for even the gurus of the world are simply only humans
at the end of the day, with only their own experiences, their own perceptions,
their own awareness and their own truth. Go, find your own.
2018© Ester Caty Young, All Rights Reserved